First, let me introduce you to your “critic” so you will know what you are “muting” . . . as a prerequisite to experiencing the confidence that will thrill you!Your “critic” is one part of you. It’s an inner self I call the Inner Critic-Judge (ICJ).he principles I teach and coach are based on the revolutionary work of Drs. Hal & Sidra Stone, to whom I am eternally grateful and with whom I am eternally in Love! See PSVD tab under “MORE.”]Your Inner Critic-Judge (ICJ) pops up any time you or someone else does something it considers “wrong.” It is on duty ALL the time with either criticisms of yourself or judgments of others. It is a lot smarter than you are! And it is the ultimate source of ALL negativity and thus ultimately all emotional pain.Example: If you play tennis and you miss what should have been an easy shot, it will say “YOU IDIOT!” to you.
>>This is your ICJ voice in its “C-criticizing” mode.~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
[As noted elsewhere, t
Example: If you're driving your vehicle and someone suddenly pulls out in front of you, it will say "YOU IDIOT!" to the other driver.
>>This is your ICJ voice in its "J-judging" mode.
Now that you have briefly met your ICJ, let's go on.
When you master the self-talk skill of muting your ICJ (either Inner Critic or Inner Judge), you feel wonderful about yourself.
How much do you want that?
If you did feel wonderful about yourself, how would your life improve?What effect would your newly emerging high self-esteem, low anger, and clarity of purpose have on your life?
For example, how much . . .
>More money could you make [with radiant confidence]?
>More love & friendship could you share [free of judging]?
>More business could you build [with clarity & momentum]?
How much . . .
>More health could you radiate?
>More of a contribution could you make?
>More of a legacy could you leave?
How much . . .
>Better would you look because of your radiant smile?
>Better a partner or parent would you be?
>Better would you sleep at night? Etc., etc., etc.
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CONFIDENCE! It’s the golden key! Do you have the key?
In my region of the country, we have TAG programs for bright kids. TAG stands for “Talented And Gifted.” Are you a TAG adult with many achievements but still enduring the silent pain of low self-esteem because your Inner Critic-Judge (ICJ) constantly abuses you? Or perhaps you are a person with a Big Dream but such low self-esteem or procrastination, that years go by and you never Go For It?
IF SO, THIS MEANS YOUR LIFE IS BEING RUN BY YOUR ICJ, in its “C-criticizing you” mode.
Are you angry a lot of the time? Are you easily irritated, frustrated, and annoyed? Do you have a temper so that when things don’t go your way, you ‘blow’? Are you a stressed driver? Do you try to maintain ‘control’ in your life by intimidating others?
IF SO, THIS MEANS YOUR LIFE IS BEING RUN BY YOUR ICJ, in its “J-judging others” mode.
Does the mismatch between the upbeat face you show the world, and the downbeat way you feel inside, sometimes make you feel like an imposter? [ICJ / criticizing you] Why do you feel so enraged at those who have apparently victimized you? [ICJ / judging others]
Whose approval are you still hoping to get? If you’re “TAG,” have you knocked yourself out with your amazing achievements, but underneath you were driven by the hope that ‘that special person’ will finally say the words you have always longed to hear: “I am so proud of you, I love you so much”? [If so, this would be your ICJ /judging them, and your ICJ / criticizing you for being unworthy of their approval]
Are you beginning to get the picture?
Can you see how much suffering the ICJ-voice causes?
Is it causing you to suffer?
If so, have you suffered enough (yet)?
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Help is here . . .
Hi, I’m Dr. Rebecca, the Confidence Coach. I’ve helped many hundreds of people to feel wonderful about themselves, simultaneously getting clarity of purpose, then going on to wonderful accomplishments, and I can do the same for you – if you are ready.
The people I’ve helped have spanned the spectrum. Some are insightful and aware (some aren’t), some are very accomplished (some aren’t), some have big dreams (some have smaller personal goals), some long to be a huge success financially (some are okay as they are).
The people I’ve helped, despite their immense diversity, have all had one thing in common: They were secretly suffering from an inner abuser (the ICJ) that alternately told them what a loser they were . . . or . . . angrily told others what losers they were . . . or both.
They also had another symptom of a strong ICJ: This part-of-them inevitably caused a state of inner gridlock which resulted in the experience of procrastination – adding to their frustration and suffering.
Is this sounding familiar?
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“Love Your Neighbor AS YOURSELF” but who (besides me) tells you HOW to do that?I use a unique paradigm that’s fun and fascinating, to help people experience relief from their suffering. This relief releases and re-directs a great deal of personal power and self-respect. It also facilitates clarity of purpose, replacing procrastination with forward momentum.
Typically, people suffering with low self-esteem are “nice.” They do “nice” things for others . . . with the hidden agenda of hoping the others will do “nice” things back. The ICJ in its ‘C-criticizing you’ mode guilts you if you aren’t “nice.” If you’re in this group, how’s it working for you?
On the other side of the coin, typically people who are angry a lot are “not nice,” but they too are suffering. Their ICJ in its ‘J-judging others’ mode guilts others for not delivering what the angry person wants . . . but the sad fact is that the angry person is just ‘projecting’ their misery (like a projector in the film booth at the theatre) of low self-esteem onto the ‘screen’ of others. Is the film still in the projector (is the toxicity still in the angry person)? Yes. If you’re in this group, how’s it working for you? No need to answer, because I already know!
And in BOTH groups of people (the nice and the not-nice), procrastination rules.
Here’s why.
(1) A strong ICJ in a person maintains a strong dichotomy (of opposing forces) within them.
(2) That strong inner dichotomy causes strong inner gridlock.
(3) That strong inner gridlock causes procrastination.
You’re “Stuck like Chuck.”
It all goes together: Procrastination and/or low self-esteem and/or anger and/or fear of rejection. Yuk. Aarrgghh!
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The Solution is a Simple Skill: Mute Your ICJ.
(I didn’t say easy. I said simple.)
Is it interesting to hear that there is a simple, straight-forward, effective path out of this insanity? No body seems to know about the Inner Critic-Judge (ICJ), but once you learn specifically how to talk to it in a respectful and soothing way, you experience a confidence surge.
I began devoting myself to the solution of this excruciating problem in the mid-1990s soon after I became licensed as a counselor-therapist. I tried dozens of things, for fifteen years, both personally and as a psychotherapist. Some strategies worked better than others, but nothing worked very well for very long.
Then I had an epiphany! I hit on something that worked! (Honestly, I think it was a ‘divine breakthrough’ but it doesn’t matter if you buy into that belief, so long as the strategy helps you.)
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Why do I specialize in helping people “Mute Their Critic, and Wake Up Confident”? Surprise, surprise: Because that was my story!
The good news is that I survived the pain and landed on my feet. And in the process I learned some astounding and little-known things, things that can help you . . . IF you have suffered enough and are ready to say, “There Must Be A Better Way.”
My Story – Once upon a time . . .
I lived in a fantasy world. I was happily married, I had lots of money & lots of friends & a great profession with recognition and prestige.~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
“What-you-already-know” doesn’t work.
The truth is that you can never “feel good enough” by . . .
Then within a short period of time, everything changed. One month things were going along with what I thought were normal challenges, and the next month my entire world had crashed and I had lost everything. Husband. Step-children. Fabulous home. Career. Place in the social fabric of my community. Oh, yeah, and my $60,000 Hamburg Steinway piano.
Most importantly, I had massive shame instead of my formerly good self-esteem –because my self-esteem had been based on external things and other people, so when they went, it went.
When I could breathe again, I resolved to create a new life . . . and this time it would be a life I owned, because it would be based on my authentic inner life. I went from being an arrogant agnostic’ to having a vibrant spirituality. And I progressed from debilitating codependence to healthy “interdependence” in my relationships.
I devoted myself to my inner work and to a variety of kinds of education.
Over time I was able to experience more peace of mind and outer success in two fields than most people ever realize in one. One of those fields has brought you and me together today: Personal Growth & Development.
- knowing enough
(Thinking – unconsciously – throughout my whole life I would feel good enough if I knew enough, I got one degree after another. By the time it was all over, I had six advanced degrees, in three different fields, but I still didn’t feel good enough! NOTE – The ICJ is never, ever happy with its owner! Did I say never, ever?)
- looking good enough
- having enough recognition or prestige, or being partnered with someone who does
- having enough money and good-looking ‘stuff’
- having “that special person” (parents, partners) say “those special words”
- and besides not working, this approach is exhausting!
What is the magical ingredient in the mix of personal qualities that – once you have it – opens the doors to more and more . . . and MORE of what YOU most want to create? After all I’ve been through, I know. And most importantly, I know how to coach you to acquire it.
I have coached hundreds of others since the mid-1990s to move from inner suffering to feeling wonderful about themselves, evaporating anger, melting away procrastination. And guess what happened to their relationships and achievement goals? 
Why haven’t you gotten help with your version of this pain?
Are you afraid to blow your cover?
Are you afraid to reach out for coaching help?
Embarrassed? Maybe you would be embarrassed, since you look so good, and reaching out would be an admission (at least to me) that everything is not as it seems.
[I had that problem] . . .
Smarter than most helpers? Maybe you fear you couldn’t find a coach or helper of sufficient stature or brilliance, so you could look up to them and respect them.
[I had that problem] . . .
More ‘together’ than most helpers? Maybe you have already tried to get help, only to discover that your helper was more dysfunctional than you!
[I had that problem] . . .
Too ‘poor’? Maybe you tell yourself that you can’t afford [translation: don't deserve!] a Confidence Coach, to break out of the torture chamber where you and your ’inner abusive partner’ live?
[I admit didn't have that problem, but think about this: There's a cost for HAVING a break-out coach, and there is a cost for NOT HAVING a break-out coach. Only you can decide which is more expensive for you.]
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What is your “drug of choice”?What “medicator” are you using to dull your secret pain–to keep it anesthesized so you don’t feel it so much? Smoking? Drinking? Working? Computer’ing?
Low self-esteem people are HURTING.
Angry people are also HURTING.
People who procrastinate are HURTING.
Hi, I am Dr. Riales, and my brand is “The Confidence Coach.”
CONFIDENCE emerges naturally when you use my strategy because it goes nothing else does to the CAUSE of non-peace. Can you wrap your mind around that? It’s huge.
Your ”medicators” relieve the pain symptoms for a while.
If you would like to know more about the simple skill of Muting Your Critic, so you can Wake Up Confident, type your name and email address in the top-right hand fields.
Hand-in-hand, we’ll dispell your Inner Critic-Judge’s toxic cloud, and YOU will get to wake up Radiantly Confident and feeling wonderful about the Very Person You Are.
Dr. Rebecca
The Confidence Coach . . .
What would YOU Like to be more confident about?
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“A small task, if it be really daily, will beat the labors of a spasmodic Hercules.”
“Account-ability breeds response-ability.”
If you would prefer the quantum-leap into Radiant Confidence (instead of the slow foot-path), talk to me about coaching.
Pick your time: http://Tungle.me/rrriales
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Bonus: LOMA! LOMA! LOMA!
Bonus! Not from me (I’m smart but NO one is this smart!!) but from the Universe itself. As you take the journey that relieves you of ICJ-abuse, your secret feelings of unworthiness are transformed into Core Self-Esteem and Radiant Confidence. To the extent that happens, the natural, mighty force of the Universal Law of Magnetic Attraction (LOMA) begins to kick in. This time it’s in your FAVOR (“the rich get richer”) instead of against you (“the poor get poorer”) . . .
As you probably know, LOMA is working 100% of the time. It’s bringing you more of whatever vibe you’re radiating.
Until now, your mixed messages about yourself, some “good vibes” mingled with all those ”negative unworthy-to-receive vibes,” are your “blocks to receiving.”
Get it?
Thoughts create feelings. And ALL your feelings, from the worst to the greatest, are elecgtromagnetic. Electromagnetic. Electro-MAGNETIC. And what do magnets do? They attract, 24/7/365, wth no more time-outs than the Law of Gravity takes.
This is the elegant simplicity of how the Law of Magnetic Attraction works.
So let me ask you this: What are you attracting Right This Minute?
If you’d like to talk, schedule a time here: http://Tungle.me/rrriales~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~